" A typical rape fetishist isn’t into rape fantasies because she likes being raped (by definition, that’s impossible). She isn’t even into rape fantasies because she simply likes being dominated, abused, silenced, and blamed. She’s into rape fantasies because they offer a chance to flip the script of domination, abuse, and silencing. Rape fantasies turn a normally horrific encounter into a sexual experience that the fantasy “victim” can control and orchestrate herself. She’s into rape fantasies because they allow her to convert her fears and weaknesses into sexual power. "This piece stands out to me a lot, because (and this might be a bit TMI at this point, but) I have had these sorts of fantasies. I have had the fantasies of being submissive, being tied up, and yes, being raped. But I have never mentioned these to any of my partners, nor have I actually wanted to try to live them out. The real, honest-to-god threat of rape is always right there in my mind, so sharing these fantasies felt way too dangerous for me. As it is, the one boyfriend I confessed my fetish of bondage to, was also the same boyfriend who later hit me and tried to strangle me. I've not shared that one again.
So yeah, maybe my fantasies are a little kinky. Especially for someone who so feverently advocates an end to rape culture the way I do. I've often felt a mixture of shame and guilt for having these fantasies, and yet, they get me excited. At the same time, the thought of actual rape makes me terrified and livid. I still haven't found a way to reconcile those two perspectives, and I guess I'm grateful to Amanda for giving me a little bit of guidance on how to do that.
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