Sexism on Facebook, Pt. 2

UPDATE: When a girl gets dogpiled enough by morons, she eventually gets tired of trying to engage with them. Which is why I am so incredibly lucky to have the amazing boyfriend that I do, who gets equally as outraged by idiots and their misogyny, and *gasp* actually backs me up!

This is why I love him. He's one in a million.

[Girl in Purple] does not appreciate catcalls or hollers. She is not here for your aesthetic viewing pleasure.
Yesterday at 5:34pm · Comment · Like /Unlike

[Boyfriend]
so [Male Friend 3], she has to change herself (as in your first comment, her weight) so she doesn't get these unwanted objectivications and intrusions into her own life, and also by that first comment you insult all girls who aren't skinny, that they aren't even worth looking at period.
and to all you guys above, cat calls are not compliments. when a guy cat calls, he feels entitled to remark on a woman's body and appearance, the same as a person remarking on a statue in a park. it takes away the woman's free will, individuality, and in total her personhood. so, cat calls are more threats than compliments. no person is ever entitled to another person, and hollering at a girl walking along the street verbally intruding on her life and evaluating her appearance without her consent, that is unwelcome, and ends up being harassment. so yeah, don't assume your entitlement to women's bodies, either verbally or physically.
Today at 4:45pm · Delete

Sexism on Facebook

Yesterday, I was walking home from class, wearing a sundress, and I got fed up. Not only did I get two whistles, but I also got a "Hey, how are you?" from a random guy across the street, endless stares from almost every male driver that drove past, and just as I was walking up to my apartment building, a honk that scared the shit out of me. I was cranky and offended by the time I got home, so I shared my feelings in my Facebook status. This is the response I got.

[Girl in Purple] does not appreciate catcalls or hollers. She is not here for your aesthetic viewing pleasure.
Yesterday at 5:34pm · Comment · Like /Unlike

[Male Friend 1]
Wait...since when?
Yesterday at 5:35pm · Delete

[Girl in Purple]
Now if someone were to holler, "Hey baby, tell me your thoughts on political discussions, ow ow!" I might be willing to reconsider.
Yesterday at 5:36pm · Delete

[Male Friend 1]
So, "Damn...baby got back!" wouldn't cut the mustard?
Yesterday at 5:40pm · Delete

[Girl in Purple]
not exactly, no
Yesterday at 5:43pm · Delete

[Male Friend 2]
i say you are here for my aesthetic viewing pleasure.
Yesterday at 5:47pm · Delete

[Girl in Purple]
and I say you can...do something that's not appropriate for facebook.
Yesterday at 5:55pm · Delete

[Male Friend 3]
well, you could gain a few pounds and they'll stop. problem solved.
Yesterday at 6:55pm · Delete

[Male Friend 1]
The Tedward-man makes a valid point.
Yesterday at 9:01pm · Delete

[Girl in Purple]
and now you all disgust me.
Yesterday at 9:04pm · Delete

[Male Friend 4]
Maybe if you wore clothes that weren't so... revealing...
Yesterday at 10:02pm · Delete

[Male Friend 3]
You could become a man. They hardly get cat called.
Yesterday at 10:25pm · Delete

What bothers me most about this is that the men who responded seemed to think the whole thing was a joke. Like, "Why wouldn't I want to be catcalled? I'm skinny, female, and wear sexy clothes, so obviously I'm deserving of this completely unwanted and inappropriate male attention."

The suggestion that I "gain a few pounds" pisses me off because 1) why on earth should I have to change myself and engage in an unhealthy lifestyle to get men to leave me alone, and 2) it is degrading and insulting to all the women out there who are bigger than a size 3. I have many friends who are curvier, heavier, and taller than I am, and they are all beautiful women. I abhor the idea that only thin women can be accepted as beautiful or desirable, and the automatic assumption that fat = ugly and therefore men won't give a shit about me.

I also hated the one post by friend #4 that basically blamed and shamed me for wearing clothes that were too "revealing." Yes, I was wearing a sundress and it had thin spaghetti-straps. But it was almost 85° yesterday, so I wasn't exactly going to be walking around in jeans and a sweatshirt. Plus, I had rehearsal halfway through the afternoon, so I needed something I could easily change in and out of. I made the decision to wear the dress out of practicality and self-interest. I did not go to my closet that day and say, "Hm, what can I wear that will most excite random strangers I pass today? I don't think those poor widdle men are getting the full quota of aesthetic enjoyment they deserve from women, so how can I please them?"

In other words, I did not get dressed for those men, and they had no right to claim ownership to me or my clothes. I should not have to change my clothes for them. (It also wouldn't really do any good anyway. I've gotten catcalled in snowboots and a winter parka before.)

Making sense of rape fantasies

Yesterday there was an interesting and powerful piece from Amanda Hess at the Sexist on the difference between a "rape" fantasy and an actual rape.

" A typical rape fetishist isn’t into rape fantasies because she likes being raped (by definition, that’s impossible). She isn’t even into rape fantasies because she simply likes being dominated, abused, silenced, and blamed. She’s into rape fantasies because they offer a chance to flip the script of domination, abuse, and silencing. Rape fantasies turn a normally horrific encounter into a sexual experience that the fantasy “victim” can control and orchestrate herself. She’s into rape fantasies because they allow her to convert her fears and weaknesses into sexual power. "

This piece stands out to me a lot, because (and this might be a bit TMI at this point, but) I have had these sorts of fantasies. I have had the fantasies of being submissive, being tied up, and yes, being raped. But I have never mentioned these to any of my partners, nor have I actually wanted to try to live them out. The real, honest-to-god threat of rape is always right there in my mind, so sharing these fantasies felt way too dangerous for me. As it is, the one boyfriend I confessed my fetish of bondage to, was also the same boyfriend who later hit me and tried to strangle me. I've not shared that one again.

So yeah, maybe my fantasies are a little kinky. Especially for someone who so feverently advocates an end to rape culture the way I do. I've often felt a mixture of shame and guilt for having these fantasies, and yet, they get me excited. At the same time, the thought of actual rape makes me terrified and livid. I still haven't found a way to reconcile those two perspectives, and I guess I'm grateful to Amanda for giving me a little bit of guidance on how to do that.

Speaking up on behalf of Women's Studies

Letter to the Editor submitted to my university's newspaper:

This academic year brings great news to Gonzaga students interested in the environment. Environmental studies, which was previously a concentration, has now officially become both a major and a minor. This is a huge step forward for a program that was only introduced as a concentration in the 2007-2009 course catalog. As a Jesuit university, it makes sense that Gonzaga should offer students the chance to study such a new and important subject.

With the inclusion of environmental studies to the list of majors comes a new question: What about the women's and gender studies? This program, which has been in the Gonzaga curriculum for at least 15 years, is still only offered as a concentration, not a major or even a minor. This does not make sense. Women's and gender studies is a viable program that helps students learn to interact with the world in ways not based on gender, but on equality and mutual respect.

In addition, learning about the dysfunctional nature of patriarchy also opens the way for seeing other forms of oppression, such as those based on race, color, class, age or disability. Not to mention that women make up more than half of the world's population, so it makes sense to include subjects that focus on women's perspectives. As a Jesuit institution that promotes education of the whole self, why shouldn't Gonzaga have a greater investment in programs that do just that?

For years, the women's studies program has tried to become more inclusive, but lacked the resources to do so. Whether it was a faculty member to spearhead the effort or enough students to generate interest, ingredients have been missing. In addition, a supportive response from the administration is necessary to move any academic program forward. For years, this has not happened with women's studies.

Now is the time to change that. Women's studies currently has over 20 faculty members capable of teaching components of women's studies courses and a new director, Dr. Patsy Fowler. For student interest, there are currently 19 students registered under the concentration, the same number as students in the environmental studies major. There is also a student club, called Speak Up!, related to women's and gender issues.

Gender issues are relevant to today's society, and nearly all of the other women's studies programs at universities in Washington offer at least a minor, except Gonzaga. As for support from the administration, well, we are in a new stage of Gonzaga leadership. Even though our new President is an interim, he just might be able to lay the foundation for the support and development of a new and competitive women's studies program.

There are many ingredients necessary to make Gonzaga's women's studies program a certifiable major and minor, but I see no reason why those ingredients can't start coming together now. If the dedication and hard work of others were able to create a major and minor out of the environmental studies concentration in just a few years, then those involved in the women's studies program can do it as well.

As much as I enjoy seeing my name in print, the best part about writing this piece was the responses I got from others. Particularly from the directors of both the Environmental Studies program and the Women's Studies program. Nothing is quite as satisfying as knowing that what you write speaks to the heart of issues that others are facing too.

Planners don't work unless you use them

I really need to stop signing up for things. And procrastinating. Those two just don't mix.

Because when I sign up for lots of different things and procrastinate on all my work, I end up like I am this week: going crazy with everything due at once. I was so stressed today that I barely even had time to eat! :\

So what is all of this I have to do, you ask? (Well no, you didn't, but I'm going to tell you anyway.) I have a story (article) due Thursday in my Public Affairs reporting class that I just figured what I was writing about today. For that story, I had to go to a town hall meeting on a ballot initiative from 6:30-8:30 this evening. After having rehearsal for the winter theater production that went from 4-6. After having class from 2:30-3:55. A class in which I have an exam on Thursday that I will need to study for sometime between now and then. While I'm also writing that story. And working for 5 hours. And, and this is the best part, writing another story for the school paper that my editor just asked me to write and have by 4:00 tomorrow.

Yeah. This is why I shouldn't sign up for things.
...or procrastinate.

So about that love thing

Sitting at home right now, trying to get up motivation to clean, but it's just not happening. I have a big pile of dishes waiting for me from cooking dinner last night. Dishes are the worst part about cooking, seriously.

But it was a lot fun, a sort of double-date with my man and his two best friends, who have just started dating. It was really great to see them together. They are so cute, and they both seem really happy. *sigh* It reminds me of when the boyfriend and I were first getting together. The excitement of finding someone new who was so much like yourself. The desire, and the need to be touching all the time; cuddling, kissing, holding hands. How you want to be near that person all day, every day. Of course, now he and I live together, and I still can't get enough of him sometimes. But it is sweet to see the other two and remember what those early days were like.

Haha, it kinda reminds me of a quote from one of the best (read: non-sexist stereotyped) romantic comedies I've seen, Hitch.

"What I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them"

Wow, I sound like a total sap now. But that's about how it was for us. One day we were going along in our lives, happy and having fun, enjoying being single and meeting new people. The next, we couldn't imagine life without each other. I sure as hell wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and I definitely didn't want to be in love again. But there he was, a tall gangly redhead sitting on my couch with me at 1 a.m., and I suddenly knew that I was in love.

I wonder if it was like that for the other two. I hope so. They deserve that same sweet-adorable-kissing-all-the-time-making-others-nauseous kind of happiness too.

Hello there!

This is my first post, so I'll keep it short. I've tried blogging in the past, but I usually give it up after a little while, mostly because I get too tired or distracted to update all the time, and then I get so far behind that I don't feel like catching up, even though no one reads my blog anyway. But we'll give it another shot. After all, I can't really call myself a writer if I'm not writing anything.

I had a hard time at first coming up with something to blog about, since I don't have any major life experiences going on, and I'm not really travelling anywhere. I'm also not a public or political figure, just a senior at university trying to figure out what the hell to do with the rest of my life. But then I figured, hey, that's about as good a reason as anything else, right? So here they are: the adventures of my life. The small ones, the big ones, the infuriating ones, and the boring ones. The decisions I make and the passions that drive me, they all are little adventures. And I'm going to record them here.